It’s Thursday morning, early hours.. sat watching TV. .. Gold Rush actually, the ones I’ve missed from when I was away with work… such a great show !!… sat with Arlo the dog lay on my lap, he’s warm and nustled in.
Flo (rug rat number 2) had clearly had a nightmare, she massively went off on one, screaming and shouting “Flo Flo run”… so I know she’s woken herself up. I’ve just put her in bed with the gaffa … and she falls straight asleep again. Was it a trick ?? Had she had me off ?? So I can’t get in my own bed. Who knows ?!!
For the whole 2 weeks I’m home .. I must sleep in my bed 4 times max. Why ?? I have no idea… I know the sofa is super comfy, and I can hear everything that goes on in this house from the sofa downstairs , the dog seems to like my company, I can hear the heating bounce on whenever the thermometer reaches 16 degrees…. then within 5 minutes the house is red hot. I just nipped up to make sure all is okay, before I turn in on the sofa for the night … there’s 3 other bedrooms I can sleep in (Josh is at his nans) .. but I prefer the sofa. Again I’ve massively realised that what makes me ridiculously happy… is seeing H fast asleep, and Flo snoring loudly, even though it’s in my bed !! .. the thought of H and the kids safe, makes me 100% content. Now I don’t actually know what content means, does it mean happy ?? Does it mean relaxed with situations ?? Does it mean no issues ?? .. if it does, then I’m content.
In my last post I said that if you weren’t happy, then make changes… well, I’ve only gone and done it .. within 3 days I had signed a new contract for a new job. Totally made up … and excited for a new beginning. People have asked me why I left my previous job… it’s Simple… mentally that job scared me, etched in my mind was sorrow and hurt, I got that dreaded feeling of worry, sickness, anxiety and general unhappiness… so I had to change, my dad once said, “in life you make mistakes and sometimes upset people but as long as you’re happy, then that’s all that matters”. I totally remember this every day, this as she first time I’d ever cut a contract short, by 5 months in fact. !! I just couldn’t stay there, if done 6 months .. and 33% of my time there when on rotation I’d had the phone call to say a loved one had died… I had to break that feeling .. and that death spell. !! And I done it.. New job… better career path and better financially, I was guided by my decisions and I know who by !!! The only 2 people to ever ask about my work !! Dad and Keith.
So I’m a simple creature , I’d happily go see dad and Keith right now up there knowing H and the kids are okay … I’m no longer afraid of death, I’ve people waiting for me now … as long H and the kids are okay then I know it’s all good. They deserve the best and I’ll carry on trying to give it to them whilst I’m her to do so, but I must not forget myself … I’m a true simple creature, trying to not give a fuck about the most nonsensical issues that’s going on at the moment… which is really difficult… I’M A WORRIER !!!!! What is actually important ?? Work ?? HELL NO.. family and happiness ?? HELL YEAH. so why do I get a buzz about getting a new job and feeling happy about the future ?? God knows, all I know is I’ll continue to keep the gaffa happy … and carry on grafting my ass off. I need to, if I stop I know I’ll think to much. That happens regularly, I mean I balled my eyes out at 1800 today when i had minute spare.. I just began to sing “I was born under a wandering star”. !! (Keiths funeral song) I can’t stop, I gotta carry on… and when I carry on.. I feel content.. I’m a simple creature, happy wife, happy life, happy family, happy JB. X
I did it. I went out and changed my life for now.. New job like I said. Take your opportunities.. Take a gamble and go for it !!. … lots more to say, but that’s for next time !!